Actual Play

Nobody Makes it Out Alive, Part 8: Forget the Door, What’s Behind that Wall?

Gentlemen, I said as I opened the door, your deaths await you. As they passed me Best Girl grabbed my arm and leaned in to my ear, “Can I talk to you for just a second.”

Sure, boys I’ll be in shortly.

“E’s got something up his sleeve,” she said after a short pause to make sure no one could hear her. “I think he’s got someone in your group that’s going to sabotage you.”

I looked at the group as they made their way into the back room. You do, do you?

“Charlie, he’s been losing his shit because things weren’t going according to the plan.” I watched her run her hands through her hair, “After you called he went into the computer room and talked to Neverwas for an hour before he met you guys for dinner.”

Ah, I said with a smile, I thought that he might.

“You mean you knew already?”

Oh no, I said, I was counting on him to try and flip someone.

She shook her head, “Do you know why he didn’t flip though?”

I smiled as I walked in the door and said, Because Biggboy would have ripped his arms off and shoved them up his ass.

She laughed as we made our way back into the room and I took my seat at the table. So what’s the deal E?

“I don’t have the cash on me. Best Girl took the deposit in early.”

That’s not good.

“No, it’s not. So I was wondering if you’d be willing to trade to cover the bet.”

What did you have in mind?

“What if I offer a Magic the Gathering Booster Box up for my end of things.”

I gave him a hard stare and then turned my head to whisper to Poot only to catch Icarus’ eye. He wanted that box. Okay boys, I said, somebody tell me if this is an equal deal.

“I’d take it,” Icarus said

Is it worth the money though?

“If you broke all the packs and sold the individual cards on ebay you’d probably come out ahead by the end.”

Fuck that noise.

“Or,” Poot said as he placed his hand on my arm, “you could give it to us and we could run a draft.”

You guys cool with that, I asked the table.

“Oh, yeah,” Icarus said.

“Fuck yes,” Neverwas exclaimed!

“I don’t play,” Biggboy said, “but I’m not here to play cards. Just give it to them and call it even.”

“I want in on the cards,” Step-up said.

“Me too,” Poot said.

Fair enough. Alright E, we’ll do this raise.

“Excellent,” he said with a smile that reminded me too much of a cat looking at a cage filled with mice. “Then let’s get a move on. When we stopped you had thrown the ju-ju can on the fiendish rat swarm and closed them in the next room while you guys waited for them to burn up. After about thirty-minutes the last of the pained squeals stops and only silence can be heard from the room.”


“On it,” he answered as Icarus and Neverwas talked about the box.

“I’ve got a feeling,” Poot whispered in my ear, “that something’s going to be coming for us.”


“He wouldn’t have made that bet if he didn’t think that he would be able to take us out,” he said as he looked at Neverwas. “I think he’s made a move.”

You think we’re compromised?

“It’s a distinct possibility.”

When would he have had the chance?

“I don’t know but he’s got to have something up his sleeve.”

He could be running a dynamic dungeon on us.

“A what?”

I smiled at him, It’s where all the creatures in your dungeon move according to the noise and actions of your players instead of being static in the rooms you encounter.

“Oh? Now that would – “

Step-up, I practically shouted. Don’t open that door.


Let’s just call it a feeling I’ve got for right now. Icarus is there some way that you can block that door so no one can make it through?

“I think so,” he said as he began to dig through his equipment and pulled out a crowbar, sledge, pitons, and a caltrop. “Okay, I’ve got enough here to create a drop bar lock.”

Good deal. I said as I pulled out my sledge hammer, Biggboy, let’s see what’s behind that wall on our right.

“Why there?”

Because it’s caddy cornered to the door he wants us to go through.

“You’re going to knock down the wall rather than open the door,” E asked in mild shock.

“You bet your fucking ass,” Biggboy said.

Okay, let’s figure out what we’re doing before he starts swinging that hammer.

“I’ll watch the way we came in,” said Poot.

“I’ll hang near Biggboy,” Neverwas said, “with a flare spell ready.”

“I’ll hang near the door we’ve locked and keep a listen for anyone trying to break it down,” Step-up said.

“I’m going to hang with Biggboy too,” Kid Icarus said, “I’m going to have an entangle spell ready. That’ll give us time to regroup if we have to.”

Good idea. I’ll switch out with Biggboy every three hits to keep either of us from becoming fatigued.

“Do you guys really want to do this,” E said, “I mean the door is right there.”

He makes a good point, I said as I looked at Poot. You know what that means.

“Of course,” Poot answered and let the silence hang.

“What,” E demanded, “what does it mean?”

It means we’re going through that fucking wall. We pounded on the wall for a half-hour in the game and broke through to a large L shaped room.

“Well,” E asked as we sat there in silence, “are you guys going through?”

Fuck no, I said as Step-up removed the crowbar. We’re heading north.

“But why did you waste all that time?”

“Because if that ju-ju can got their attention then that breakthrough would draw them over there faster than you can lie,” Step-up said.

Which means we need to move.

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