1. Tax Season: 12 recipes on cooking for mole-men, the beauty of mollusk monuments, and the etiquette for guests at virgin sacrifices. +2 diplomacy at sacrificial ceremonies.
2. Games for Two Pigeons: A pamphlet on the raising, training, and racing of gigantic pigeons. It details the various breeds and their propensity for fighting the patriarchy or supporting it. + 1 when dealing with pigeon fanciers.
3. Stomach Cramps for Lovers: An essay on the similarities between love and the stomach flu. It appears to be written in reverse so each copy comes with a free mirror. + 1 versus nausea.
4. Unusual Places for Frolicking: A four page pamphlet detailing the best places to set explosives during the next week. +1 versus terrorists for the next week.
5. Eight Days a Week: A detailed analysis of Terry Brooskovich’s literary works and their merits for the anarchist. Includes a do-it-yourself cover you can share with your friends! +1 vs capitalism
6. Farmhouse Letters: The leaked memos from retail giant Walden’s World. All memos are dated from the previous week and detail a clear vision for the company going forward, only to be immediately countermanded by the next memo detailing another vision for the company going forward that is completely at odds with the previous versions. This week’s issue is about the importance of pigs, and their complete irrelevance. +1 versus insanity
7. The Cure for Seasonal Allergies: A series of four essays about the connection between sneezing and the existence of the rich. It appears that the solution is to kill the rich and eat them. +1 versus disease for one week.
8. Wasting Time: A single page pamphlet that simply reads, “Stop wasting time, Jeremy. No one wants to look at your sketches.” +1 versus people named Jeremy.